Queen of the Night
Erté, Aladin and His Bride, hand-pulled serigraph, 78.7 x 94 cm. From Martin Lawrence Galleries. Am I in purgatory? The space between life and death. Floating between homes, without an anchor. Why do I desire my own kingdom? Do I really feel I can do a better job "ruling" than those in power? I have gained compassion for the ones who lead, the current rulers. They have great obligations and responsibilities. But the often observed abuse of power causes rage to well up in the pit of my stomach and I cannot abide someone in a position of power putting off their responsibility and being cruel to those they rule. Think of the overstuffed king consuming greasy chickens whole while tenant farmer's starve to death during a drought. The farmer's having sent their last livestock to the castle in payment for taxes and rights to "occupy" and work the land leased to them by those in power. The manipulations of current systems by those in "power" who are not standing in their own power is sickening. How can we all have limitless freedom? Can we even handle this as a society? Is it beyond response-ability?
I personally feel overloaded. Maintaining calm, but unable to take anything further on, my plate is over full. How do I clear thoughts, memories, energy, that feel stagnant, and stuck? The castle has become it's own sort of prison. Fear of death and sickness keeps one locked in a room.
I am sad. I wish my knight had wanted to be on this adventure with me. Maybe I did burn his love out, take for granted his kindness and desire for me. Was I the tyrannical ruler...giving so little and expecting so much? But no, the liaison was ill fated from the beginning and I chose to suffer deeply and now I choose differently. I choose joy, and connection with many who see the best in me as I see the best in them and accept and love the worst. I do this for myself. Thank you Venus, planet of love, for the lessons, for a new love blossoming, the self love. May I now be still in each moment and savor it for what it is...not stuck in the past or looking too far ahead.
The seamstress is upset currently by so many of her loved ones being diagnosed with cancer. Some part of me fears I have some malignancy growing within me too, from some toxicity stuck in my body. Our environment has become toxic, polluted with plastics. Intestines? Liver? My stomach rumbles and gurgles almost constantly. Symptoms of stress? I have not been as good to my body with the fuel I have been giving it, but I have tried and sometimes resented the structure of daily meal times and limited diet I was on during the Ayurvedic cleanse. What was once wonderful and exciting got boring and monotonous, like the sex with my knight. This is the fate of most things over time if they remain the same. I do this also with relationships. I have a need to explore have new experiences, different yet familiar. Shall my spirit ever “settle”? Why does that sound like a “bad” word? Balance between movement, and stillness.
It is time to break patterns.
I can do this, I am worthy, my offerings have value. I can rule with grace and ease, compassion and appreciation.
It was nice to go on a walk under the millions and billions of stars on the beach with a fellow Queen as I visited her kingdom. I don’t know exactly what to do to help in her time of transition. My own back and forth thoughts missing my knight, seeking another, accepting being with myself and enjoying my own company during this time may not put me in the best place to advise another at the moment. But maybe all I need to do is listen. I feel for her. I also feel for her king who is still exhibiting signs of being a prince and not stepping into his full self. They had such a beautiful partnership, as it seemed from an outsider's perspective. Can she let go of the hurt? Can he grow with her? Will he respect her boundaries and allow time for healing without causing more damage? Seems a lot of judgments are being thrown around. How am I judging myself?
I am seeking a kingdom...a king to be in partnership with, warriors to be my champions, sages to offer guidance, magicians/ creators to manifest dreams into this reality, destroyer's to cut ties that no longer serve, innocents to protect, orphans to embrace, caregivers to provide healing, and fools for comic relief. We each have the energy with-in us to express each archetype. May I be able to adapt a move through situations remembering the gifts each one has to offer and the dragon/fear each must overcome.
I personally feel overloaded. Maintaining calm, but unable to take anything further on, my plate is over full. How do I clear thoughts, memories, energy, that feel stagnant, and stuck? The castle has become it's own sort of prison. Fear of death and sickness keeps one locked in a room.
I am sad. I wish my knight had wanted to be on this adventure with me. Maybe I did burn his love out, take for granted his kindness and desire for me. Was I the tyrannical ruler...giving so little and expecting so much? But no, the liaison was ill fated from the beginning and I chose to suffer deeply and now I choose differently. I choose joy, and connection with many who see the best in me as I see the best in them and accept and love the worst. I do this for myself. Thank you Venus, planet of love, for the lessons, for a new love blossoming, the self love. May I now be still in each moment and savor it for what it is...not stuck in the past or looking too far ahead.
The seamstress is upset currently by so many of her loved ones being diagnosed with cancer. Some part of me fears I have some malignancy growing within me too, from some toxicity stuck in my body. Our environment has become toxic, polluted with plastics. Intestines? Liver? My stomach rumbles and gurgles almost constantly. Symptoms of stress? I have not been as good to my body with the fuel I have been giving it, but I have tried and sometimes resented the structure of daily meal times and limited diet I was on during the Ayurvedic cleanse. What was once wonderful and exciting got boring and monotonous, like the sex with my knight. This is the fate of most things over time if they remain the same. I do this also with relationships. I have a need to explore have new experiences, different yet familiar. Shall my spirit ever “settle”? Why does that sound like a “bad” word? Balance between movement, and stillness.
It is time to break patterns.
I can do this, I am worthy, my offerings have value. I can rule with grace and ease, compassion and appreciation.
It was nice to go on a walk under the millions and billions of stars on the beach with a fellow Queen as I visited her kingdom. I don’t know exactly what to do to help in her time of transition. My own back and forth thoughts missing my knight, seeking another, accepting being with myself and enjoying my own company during this time may not put me in the best place to advise another at the moment. But maybe all I need to do is listen. I feel for her. I also feel for her king who is still exhibiting signs of being a prince and not stepping into his full self. They had such a beautiful partnership, as it seemed from an outsider's perspective. Can she let go of the hurt? Can he grow with her? Will he respect her boundaries and allow time for healing without causing more damage? Seems a lot of judgments are being thrown around. How am I judging myself?
I am seeking a kingdom...a king to be in partnership with, warriors to be my champions, sages to offer guidance, magicians/ creators to manifest dreams into this reality, destroyer's to cut ties that no longer serve, innocents to protect, orphans to embrace, caregivers to provide healing, and fools for comic relief. We each have the energy with-in us to express each archetype. May I be able to adapt a move through situations remembering the gifts each one has to offer and the dragon/fear each must overcome.
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